T.M. Shannon

Hi everyone,

I know, it’s been a while between posts, and a lot of that had to do with snoozing on Sundays and wrecking my day with a side of not having content to share. But while I’m not back with a vengeance, I’m at least here with some fantastic news: I got my beta reader feedback.

Oh yeah, I finished my second draft in August, 89k words all up, and a leaner, meaner manuscript with more happening than my woefully-overburdened first draft. That was a year and a few months worth of very critical work, and it really wore me down near the end.

Having a break from the WIP was certainly nice, I had some ideas how to improve the manuscript while I played Skyrim, Skyrim, and more Skyrim—I tried Kingdom Come: Deliverance but I need a whole week off to take on that bad boy—and sent my baby off to two beta readers.

These were paid services, and one beta came courtesy of a Melbourne editor who has an army of anonymous readers spitting out thorough reports, and I’ll certainly use the service again. The second was an editor providing beta reading, and again I’m lining them up in future.

Thus, for this post, I’m going to share my thoughts on the feedback, because Beta 1’s was a mixed bag with very good points, while Beta 2 was impressed as.

So strap in, because I’m going to review the reviews inspired by my favourite Western, the one by an Italian who pioneered a grim, brutal genre of the Old West and gave us the Mexican standoff.

A Dose of The Ugly

Bear with me because there’s validity here that prompted me to ease up on commas, but that I finally got the S.H.I.T.s with it this week, and it points out that my writing style is driven by Bipolar/ADHD and whatever else psycho/neurological is going on in this head of mine.

Beta 1 said they were distracted by the “grating” sentence structure, believed my audience was 18- to 25-year-old readers—otherwise known as the New Adult sub-audience—with regards to the content, and believed older readers would struggle with the prose.

I wasn’t indignant at first, though I thought early on that Beta 1 only reads stuffy sentences written in the Queen’s English. But with Beta 2 loving the sentences, saying there was a staccato poetry to them, and pointing out where I’m not clear, I’m giving the middle finger to Beta 1.

What do I even say to this? Yeah, readers are subjective and I’m never going to please everyone, and I’m happy with the last part. But a New Adult audience for a manuscript with a 31-year-old protagonist in a clearly adult world?

I’ll really reach the younger audience with the next project as it’ll have an 18-year-old baby queer MC, and Beta 1 isn’t wrong that younger audiences appreciate queer content. But they admitted they felt “old” with the slang, didn’t get the references, and I think that’s the problem.

Thankfully Beta 2 understood the references which cast the first-half main leads as 80’s/90’s kids, and fair enough naming a bunch of 90’s dance tracks is too much when only one track is needed for how it levels up the relationship, but really? Do I have to say, “Okay, boomer?”

I’m just looking at it this way—Beta 1 said I need another draft, and I need to write another draft anyway. But above that is the fact the beta ploughed on through my sentences to show what I can improve, where I got it right, and I absolutely appreciate their perseverance.

So the indignance is fading, the grating sentence structure was brought into perspective, and I know it’s because my brain works on a different level to a normie author, and thus to a normie reader.

But there’s still the matter of Beta 1 not liking the street names because they’ve also only ever been to the airport, and to that I say, “Thou hast the Great God Google in thy pocket, why did thoust not searcheth thy locations?”

Hopefully I get savvy readers, because there’s only so much hand-holding I can do. And about how out-of-character they found the pivotal moment? I explained what happened later, and people get out of character when shocked—especially if someone’s dishonest.

Still, I already have a plan to tweak that moment and take care of the jarring return from 2011 to 2013.

A Dose of The Bad

Okay, this is nowhere near an unscrupulous mercenary shooting one guy dead through a table and a bowl of food, then shooting the guy who hired him to kill the first guy by unloading a 6-shooter in his face. Rather, it’s the parts where I can improve to create a stronger narrative.

First, Beta 1 didn’t find Cole especially likeable or unlikeable, but still likeable and relatable, and I guess their issue with my sentences cut them off from his cheekiness, supportiveness, and how loving he is.

But they understood he’s struggling with the past while trying to forge new relationships, and that gives me plenty to work with. And it turned out that Jimmy—the misogynist, toxic male, self-titled “Alpha”—was their least favourite character at first, then their most favourite.

Second, there are no distinct voices, and both betas took an issue with the lack of dialogue tags and action beats, making dialogues flow into each other—which can’t be helped as apart from one character, they’re public school-educated, working-class people who speak like Aussies.

I’ve already started adding tags and beats in the third draft, and there’ll be tweaking after I’ve put the final full stop down. And besides, it’ll help with the audiobook :D.

Third, the lack of character descriptions, city details, and pub details.

I’d kept characters neutral to avoid getting upset with potential casting choices, and not naming and describing real venues because I wanted to steer clear of ramifications, especially as one scene involves a near-glassing. All the named places were just to set location, too.

But you can use real places for fiction if you’re not doing it to bring disrepute to said locations—a first meeting at a pub is fine, but violently robbing the place is no-no. And Beta 2 reminded me all the Sydney pubs have their own atmosphere and environment, so that should be shown.

As for the character descriptions, you can thank my darling partner for the ideas, and Google Images searches to test those ideas and adjust as needed. Needless to say, my love interests are now total hotties, and their richness is already paying dividends.

Fourth, there were exceptions with Jimmy, and I totally agree—”He’s a complete scumbag. “But Beta 1 wondered why Cole remained friends with Jimmy, and how they even became friends in a first place.

No need to worry, I’ve already started fleshing Jimmy out, and I need to add pages to the 5th chapter anyway, so I reckon it’s time to explore that dynamic because I know how Cole and Jimmy became friends and why Cole keeps hanging around with him, but forgot to add that in.

And fifth, the sex, which Beta 1 said I’d handled effectively and Beta 2 absolutely loved. I know I don’t need to redo the scenes, but Beta 1 said there was too much gendering of the partners and no link to the person Cole is with. So, it’s tweaks ahoy, and things are gonna get better.

A Dose of The Good

Yep, I certainly feel like an author with these, so I’ll delve in with some dot points for both of my betas.

Beta 1:

• The story starts in the right place.
  

• The Second Love Interest is compelling, sympathetic, and someone you can root for, while the First Love Interest is likeable and compelling until she descends into a word starting with B that rhymes with witch.
  
  
• The secondary characters are well rounded and don’t overwhelm the story, and the relationships between the characters seemed believable.
  
  
• Cole’s conflicts seem well defined and organic.
  
  
• There’s a good spread of stakes and tension throughout the story.
  
  
• It’s fresh—and let me tell you how my head inflated lol.
  
  
• The plot twists are good, unexpected, and no plot holes or dropped threads were detected.
  
  
• The story is well-paced except for one chapter.
  
  
• Scene transitions are done well, but the jump from the flashback to the present was jarring.
  
  
• No. Information. Dumps.
  
  
• Backstory is revealed and needed at the right times to progress the story and character development.
  
  
• Every scene adds something to the story.
  
  
• The dialogue seems natural for the story setting and characters.
  
  
• There were no misrepresentations or stereotypes—except for Mary, but she’s a hoot and I had a lot of fun writing her.
  
  
• And the story delivers on its premise and breaks from the norm of second chance romance.
  

Beta 2:

• Thoroughly enjoyed the emotional rollercoaster and strong characters with a strong, consistent plot line and a good story arc, and the stakes are extremely high. #PageTurner.
  
  
• Top-notch intimacy without being sordid, a highly-sensual reading experience—my darling partner agrees I write good sexy-sexy.
  
  
• The flashback use is terrific and very rich, and Cole’s anguish and personal trauma is heartbreaking but compelling reading.
  
  
• The staccato prose mirrors Cole’s state of mind an emotion, and was poetic at times—after all, he’s undiagnosed Bipolar/ADHD and feels positive and negative emotions on a whole other level to a normie.
  
  
• The story starts in the right place, the meet-cute is a great way to start the story, and I’ve captured the attraction perfectly.
  
  
• Each section has been well planned, the reveal is more of a tease than an early revelation, and the execution is excellent—not bad for a pantsed story :D.
  
  
• Readers might ship a love triangle between Cole, Jimmy, and the First Love Interest.
  
  
• Cole is one of the strongest protagonists they’ve read lately, and Cole’s warts-and-all story and personality were captivating.
  
  
• Cole’s healing journey is a huge part of the story and lifts it up from other books about complicated love and relationships.
  
  
• The STI test was a good move, but I might tweak the need for contacting prior partners.
  
  
• The reader is Sydney-born and lived in the Western Suburbs, and they loved the suburban locations and the city itself, and got the sense I was very familiar with these areas.
  
  
• And the story, while not having a neat end, sees everything tied up, with a strong suggestion of more journeying to come—guess I better admit I have plans for a follow on.
  

Yes, I’ve got a lot of work to do, and I’m hoping it doesn’t take a year and a couple of months to strengthen the third draft. But knowing that I can handle things as an author is the best news ever.

So wish me luck and send prayers or halp to turn the story from good to great.

A Dose of Au Revoir

I certainly enjoyed punching this post out, and I hope you’ve enjoyed reading it, but before I go, Beta 2 left me a suggestion that I’ve adopted in short order—a title that better matches the story because I haven’t written a fun, spicy romance, but something much deeper.

So you see some changes around the website, though I’ll be keeping the new title under wraps for now, being cagey about my baby and all. But it’s less clickbait and should carry the weight of what I set out to write, and the huge risks I’m taking to send it out into the world.

That said, it’s time for me to get back to the writing, so whoever, whatever, however, and wherever you are, I hope you have a good one, are able to make it through, or have the support behind you to press on through the worst.

And don’t forget to subscribe for more posts, comment on this post, and check out Chosen Men on my Short Stories page.

Until next time,
T. M.