T.M. Shannon

Happy Wednesday,

Yep, it’s prompt day, and this could not come at a more appropriate other part of the continuum from space (and I just saved me from repeating myself).

Yes, I need time – and I’m giving it to myself.

Having bipolar, trauma, addiction, I’m not sure which one comes first or last (it’s a rather homogenous blob inside my skull), trying to be faithful, sober, stable, well, being in a program demanding honesty, and a word from my sponsor, I’ve realised I haven’t been all honest.

I won’t go too far into feeling jaded with recovery, let down/destroyed by things going wrong in childhood/teenage years, every other crack I’ve fallen through, the happy-go-lucky individual here hasn’t been honest about how bad my condition is.

Call it a lack of education, not looking at resources, my psych could’ve me more about what’s really going on. It’s not easy facing up to it, but I’m relatively okay about this facet.

As for the time, I’m taking it to discern, process a couple of bitter thoughts, consider a stint in rehab, consider a stint in a CSA support program, be in touch with God, be in touch with my counsellor, and rebuild finances because my recent holiday killed me.

And with Christmas coming up, the expected busy period until everybody bails on holidays until the rush back just before school goes back next year, and needing time to work on the book, I’m calling it: I’m not setting myself on any path until February 2025.

It won’t be without productiveness.

I made 3 outreach calls yesterday, and I’m sticking with meetings, because the back-of-the-mind answer is already saying, “Stick with recovery,” backed up by meeting-induced evidence from the shares Monday night.

I’m waiting for pay to line up a Divino Lectio study book for next year’s Gospel readings, so I can get back to the intellectual formation I enjoyed hanging with the Church nannas back in 2018. And I want to do more faith things – it’s time I continued reading Kings.

Next review with my Psych is in a couple of weeks, and I have some things to consider – upping the mood stabiliser dose, adding a low dose of a dopamine reuptake inhibitor, maybe both? No rash decisions, though, serious discussion all the way.

Honestly, I could do with a slower axial rotation on a wider orbit just to have more time to be with all these things (and more). Sadly, that can’t be the case without space travel or throwing the entire Solar System out of whack, so it’s allotting time so I don’t get overwhelmed and pop.

Gotta run, work calling! Time is precious :D.